Honeymoon: 'Till Death do us...well you get it"

Honeymoon:  2014: Horror: After a bit of a spatchka, I thought I would return where I left off, regaling you, oh my faithful droogs with yarns filled with bolshy and baddiwag dooks.  Not just to put you bedways, but to fill your guttywuts with a true sense of strack. 


Not horrible use of my language oh my dear brother..

To think that Anthony Burgess did that for a whole novel is impressive.  Back to basics, what did I learn in my time away? Well I missed putting together sarky accounts of horror movies. Also, I learned that people are sensitive.  Oh so very sensitive. Especially other chelloveks and their gloopy blogs which they think are so dobby just because it earns a malenky, mersky, bit of cutter.


Not really a get rich quick scheme...

Honeymoon is the type of movie that you start watching and finish just because you want to see what happens.  Perhaps it also has to do with the fact that the two main characters are so saccharine sweet and lovey-dovey, that you just hope, rather pray, that something real horror-show happens to them..


Now THAT'S how you put together a proper messel in Nadsat!

From the very beginning of the movie where Rose Leslie and Harry Treadaway describe their glorious, albeit environmentally conscious and thrifty wedding, to the constant post coitus ritual of pancakes in the morning, the lubbilobbing just gets ridiculous.


Nothing hits the spot better after SEX than..


Pancakes in the Morning..

I would definitely like to illustrate the fact that Honeymoon is very good at building a certain type of mood and also had a very deliberate way to cranking up the suspense after the middle portion of the movie.  This is when things get really interesting because something happens to one of the characters that leaves the other one completely poogly.  


What happened to all the Pancake mix dammit!!  Where IS IT??

Leigh Janiak does something right in this movie.  The foreshadowing was proper and it really privodeets the reader to understand what the heck is going on during the end.  For the more astute and britva sharp viewers, they might have even been able to discern the whole end of the movie based on just a few scenes.






After you watch it and think about it, there are some terrifying elements at work here.  No one likes being alone in a deserted cabin with a compulsive pancake eating girl scout who knows how to tie every knot in existence.  No one likes being stuck in a cabin with a guy who knows almost nothing about the outdoors and just stares into space.  Yes, the main character does this quite often.. Together, they are ripe for the picking and certainly bait for bolny veshcshs. 


Does Paul continue to look through Bea's undergarments?


Do they keep arguing about eating breakfast all day??

OR


Will the male lead just keep looking into the distance like a soomka?

You'll just have to watch...82%


HONEYMOON TRAILER

5K.. r u ok?

A funny thing happens when you reach 5K views.  

Suddenly everyone wants to be friends.


Why didn't I get invited, was it the tongue thing?  Damn it!!

All things given, thanks everyone.  Danke Dios.  Thanks nightmares.  Thanks horror.  Thanks Kubrick.  Thanks everything creepy.

The Babadook Vs Late Phases: ONE JOB!

   VS     

THE BABADOOK VS LATE PHASES:  2014 HORROR: What's more frightening, a child's nighttime story or the dreaded Wolf man?  Yes I did say Wolf man.  


Wolf man has nards?

OK, so for a select few, you will remember The Monster Squad, and for those of you who don't, it's only worth mentioning this line. Yes Wolf man does have nards, i.e. balls




Wolf man movies are an American tradition, going back to Teen Wolf, The Howling, and many others.  Why should you watch another one?  Can it still be scary?  


Will you friend me?  Please?

I for one, will say that I enjoyed both of the movies mentioned in this review, but here can only be one that wins.  


Oui!

What I liked about Late Phases was that it was suspenseful, started out strong, and built up nicely until the end.  What I didn't like, was the spotty use of special effects and werewolf actors that just didn't seem into being werewolves.  I mean you have one job, do it right, agreed?


One job, do it right..

and



Well at least they were trying.  Seriously though, the werewolves look pretty fake in Late Phases.  


How dare you?



Doing a little research into this, it looks like the special effects were somewhat lauded, but let's face it.  A man dressed in a werewolf suit is a man dress in a werewolf suit.  Period.  


One job, ok last one.

There was some great use of foreshadowing misdirection, and the suspense was somewhat interesting, in addition to having a character from Fire Walk With Me, but overall Late Phases leaves you wishing the full moon would go away with all the other banalities of werewolf movies.  


The transformation scene was especially hard to watch.

The Babadook on the other hand is a thought provoking, carefully crafted movie about a children's book that doesn't want to stay under the bed.  In fact, it's getting in your head as we speak.  


Give daddy Babadook a hug!

Jennifer Kent creates a pretty impressive film starring Essie Davis that leaves an impression.  Some of the scenes are actually pretty scary and the build up is progressively enthralling.  



WORK ALL NIGHT ON A DRINK OF RUM (en espanol)



So if it's a toss up here, I'd definitely recommend The Babadook.  It's originality really sets it apart while the other movie will just be another werewolf movie.


nighty night..a

The Babadook:  71%

F (Expelled):

F : 2011: Horror:  If you drive too fast, you can get pulled over, face it.  It's reality.  When you race an unmarked cop car, you can get into some trouble.  Luckily, I had some sort of good luck charm today..It is the 7/7 after all..Is It Cosmic energy?  Or maybe I was just lucky and remorseful?


Seriously, this was the car.  A Lumina or something..Very Sneaky..

Luckily,I had my trusted, Star Wars version of Cheez-Its..Yes, I'm still discussing my Cheez-It obsession. They're good alright?  


Ahh, so Cheezy..Beep Boop Beep  

Ok, so Johannes Roberts flirted with something interesting here. I was instantly brought back to the times of a much cooler, seemingly Cheezy movie, The Faculty.

 
Not a bad segue if I say so myself.

The issue here is that F is trying to be much darker, and watching it again, I get it.  Not all of us have time like that though.  As I contemplate my speeding ticket, this movie is dark, but I don't really need that right now.


Why not digital already, get with the times..

Ok, I got off with just a "not wearing seat belt"...But back to this movie.  It has some good elements, I just needed something visceral tonight.  It wasn't there.  There were some tantalizing scenes which made it much more frustrating, but develop it..faster..etc 


This was pretty cool, who is it?


Look familiar?..this is Infamous

I think under better circumstances, I will watch it again, but I'm just kind of pissed today.  


That looks like something Mileena would do..


Tasty..

The character development of the teacher was adequate and the buildup was sufficient, but where's the instant gratification?  Come this is the now, now, now generation.  Where's the "aha" moment in this movie?  I kept asking myself, "so what?"  That's not the best sign.  I watched it and then turned on my WiiU and played Tekken. And no, I'm not shamelessly plugging these things.  I write because I'm right.


Writing is Right. Period...

70%,,

?????

The Road VS Radiohead VS Cheez-its

THE ROAD: 2011: HORROR:  Just when you thought I had given up on horror movies.  


NOPE!

There are still some good horror movies out there.  You just have to look in the right places.  This is a good one, believe me.  I'm still a little disenchanted, but it will have to do.  


Keep going, don't look back.  Only forward.

It wasn't laziness, it's just after watching so many horror movies, especially that 3 month marathon, I got a little jaded.  So what, it happens, move on.  

Insert depressing Radiohead song here..

The Road by Yam Laranas is a good movie, and it's an even better horror movie.  All the elements of creepiness are here; revolting environments ala Chainsaw Massacre and a truly developed psycho killer ala Silence of the Lambs.  This movie is disturbing if you know where to look and give it a chance.  Yes, it has subtitles but so does my doppleganger.


Paper or plastic?

At first, I thought it was going to be the usual ghost haunting type of movie, which would have been fine, because it was sufficiently creepy.  It didn't stop there.  There were two stories intertwined (I think 3 actually) and that just makes things interesting.  Then there was the development of the killer, which just adds to it all, doesn't it?  

   BFFS 

The killer in The Road had some issues in the parental department and subsequently chooses an odd choice of careers; odd but opportune for his particular hobby.  I won't go into it any further, because I don't want to be that "spoiler" guy sitting behind a monitor eating his third box of Cheez-Its.  OK, I like Cheez-Its..  


The root of all evil..

I don't want to spoil my own enjoyment.  If my thinking is correct, this ending is wicked and very nasty.  Very


Nothing is as it appears here.

The best thing to do with this movie, is watch it and then watch it again.  The timing, the scares, the music and the cinematography are amazing.  Am I into horror movies again?  Maybe...85%


Run for it, watch it, get confused, then watch it again!!

ANOTHER Radiohead song, what's wrong with you>>

OK, here's the real Trailer..see ya


"Is she a great big ...  person?." well you know the line..